Suicidal Tendencies
I have been dealing with a lot lately, and I have been using my DBT skills to manage the intense urges that keep coming up. So far, I haven't acted on them, and I am proud of that. At the same time, I am exhausted from feeling this way all the time.
I want to get these urges under control. I want to feel normal. This has been a lifelong battle, and lately, it feels like I am losing.
Since January 26, 2026, I have been to EmPATH, completed residential treatment, and participated in a trauma PHP. I have put in a tremendous amount of effort, yet I still feel much the same as I did when this journey began. Sometimes it makes me wonder if any of it is working.
The truth is, I am trying. I am trying every day. But it is hard. I feel deeply sad, and even the simplest tasks can require an enormous amount of energy. Some days, just getting through the day feels like a victory.
Lately, I have noticed myself losing hope, and that is a difficult place to be. Hope is often what keeps us moving forward when progress feels invisible.
Even so, I know I have to keep trying. I have to keep using my skills, taking things one day at a time, and pushing through the moments when it feels impossible. Recovery is rarely a straight line, and sometimes the progress we make is harder to see than we would like.
For now, I am holding on to the possibility that tomorrow might feel a little better than today.
Call or text 988 | 988 Lifeline
Text “Home” to 741741 | Crisis Text Line
