Day No. Ten

So… I haven’t quite managed to keep up with a daily blog post. Instead, I’m adjusting my expectations and planning to write once or twice a week—maybe three if things line up. My goal is simply to keep you, dear reader, updated on how things are going.

Today I met with my therapist, and together we set some goals for the time I’m here. One goal is to practice being more vulnerable—sharing my thoughts, feelings, and desires more openly. Another is to begin working through some of the trauma I’ve been carrying and suppressing. We’re also focusing on reducing the impact of depression and anxiety. These things don’t simply disappear, but it is possible to learn ways to manage them more effectively. They’re not small goals by any means.

We’re also making adjustments to my medications so they better align with both my genetics and FDA guidelines. Some of the medications I’m taking affect my system in a way that makes the dosage act much stronger than it appears, while another is actually above the typical recommended amount. The plan is to rebalance things and find a more appropriate combination. Since I’m in a safe and supportive environment, this feels like the right time to make those changes—it’s certainly better than trying to manage it all at home.

Today I also had art therapy, which is easily my favorite class here. I sometimes walk in feeling very anxious, but the act of making art helps me settle down and lowers that anxiety.

Right now I’m working on a mask. The outside represents the emotions I show to the world, while the inside represents the feelings I tend to keep hidden. The exterior is painted a deep blue. The interior is currently black with a large red scar running through it. I’m thinking about adding cracks to the blue outer surface, though I’m still deciding what else might happen on the inside.

I’ll share a photo when I’m able.