The Great Dialectic
At the heart of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is a simple but transformative idea: the word “and.” It’s a small word, but it holds immense power. “And” allows two truths to exist at the same time. It doesn’t erase, minimize, or replace one feeling with another—it makes room for both. In that space, healing can begin.
For me, this concept has been life-changing.
When I was 13, I experienced sexual assault. The impact of that moment didn’t stay in the past—it followed me, shaping years of depression, anxiety, and internal struggle. For a long time, my experiences felt all-consuming, as if there was only room for pain.
But through treatment, I’ve begun to understand the power of “and.”
I can acknowledge what happened to me and recognize that I am still here.
I can feel pain and allow moments of peace.
I can carry my past and move toward healing.
This idea—this dialectic—has given me something I didn’t have before: permission to be okay, even while holding difficult truths. It doesn’t erase what I’ve been through, but it changes how I live with it.
“And” didn’t fix everything. But it gave me a way forward.
It was not my fault and I sometimes still feel guilty.
I did the best I could in that moment and I wish things had been different.
I did not deserve what happened and I am still carrying the impact of it.
I am not to blame and I am allowed to feel anger about what happened.
Someone else made harmful choices and I am the one doing the healing work.
I survived the situation and I didn’t deserve to have to survive it.
I feel strong and I feel deeply hurt.
I feel angry and I feel sad.
I feel numb sometimes and I also feel overwhelmed at times.
I feel shame and I know the shame does not belong to me.
I want to forget and I want to be understood.
I feel broken sometimes and I am still whole as a person.
I feel scared and I am learning ways to feel safe again.
I lost control in that moment and I am regaining control now.
I felt powerless then and I am building strength now.
My body remembers the fear and my body can also learn safety again.
I feel unsafe sometimes and I am learning how to protect myself now.
I was vulnerable and I am resilient.
What happened hurt me and it does not define who I am.
Healing is hard and I am capable of doing hard things.
I am still affected and I am making progress.
Some days feel heavy and I keep moving forward anyway.
I am healing slowly and slow healing is still healing.
I am allowed to struggle and I am allowed to grow.
I can carry pain and still create meaning in my life.
I feel afraid to trust and I want connection.
I feel guarded and I still care deeply about others.
I was hurt by someone and not everyone will hurt me.
I feel distant sometimes and I am capable of closeness.
My body was hurt or violated and my body still belongs to me.
I feel disconnected from my body sometimes and I am learning to reconnect.
I feel shame about my body and my body deserves care and kindness.
I feel uncomfortable in my body and I can learn to feel safe in it again.
I feel weak sometimes and surviving took strength.
I judge myself harshly and I am learning to be compassionate with myself.
I feel damaged and I am worthy of love and respect.
I feel alone at times and I am not alone in my healing journey.
I struggle and I am still worthy.
The past cannot be changed and my future is still mine to shape.
I carry memories and I am not trapped in them.
I feel afraid of the future and I am taking steps forward anyway.
I have been hurt and I can still build a meaningful life.
More Later…
