Some Trouble

So…things don’t always go according to plan, and with mental health, the path can feel especially complicated. It’s easy to get thrown off course and end up somewhere really difficult. That’s what happened to me last Sunday.

I was feeling very anxious and tried a technique to calm myself. It helped a little at first, but then a wave of other emotions surfaced and completely overwhelmed me. I started crying and found myself thinking I was a failure, along with strong urges to harm myself and thoughts of suicide. It took a long time for things to begin settling down.

One of the Mental Health Technicians stayed with me the entire time, gently talking me through it. Being in a safe environment—without access to anything I could use to hurt myself—made a real difference.

The experience really scared me. It came on so quickly and felt like a tornado, with painful thoughts spinning so fast I couldn’t think clearly. In that moment, all I could believe was that I was a terrible person who deserved to be punished. I felt breathless, disoriented, my heart racing, and an overwhelming sadness.

I’m still here, but I’m struggling. I’m very grateful to Sarah for her kindness and care. More later…