Insomnia Strikes Again

So...

For the past week or so, I've been waking up much earlier than usual. I toss and turn throughout the night until, eventually, I'm just awake. I'll lie in bed for a while, ruminating, before finally deciding to get up and start my day.

If there's a silver lining, it's that those quiet early morning hours give me time to get a lot done. According to my Oura Ring, though, I've accumulated more than five and a half hours of sleep debt. I definitely feel like I'm dragging.

I know that poor sleep can make my depression and anxiety worse, so I've been paying close attention to how I'm feeling. Thankfully, today has been a good day. My maladaptive urges are under control, and the world doesn't seem quite so dark. When I'm exhausted, it's much easier for depression and anxiety to creep back in, so I need to stay vigilant and continue using the skills I've learned.

Part of what has made this week so challenging is Written Exposure Therapy. Confronting trauma is incredibly difficult. It asks you to revisit memories that you've spent years trying to avoid. It is painful, exhausting, and emotionally draining.

I also find myself feeling angry. I'm the one living with the anxiety, the sleepless nights, and the emotional aftermath, while the person who assaulted me has never been held accountable. That reality is hard to accept.

As much as I wish I could, I cannot change what happened. I can't erase the past. What I can do is choose how I respond today. I can continue doing the difficult work of healing, even when it hurts. I can acknowledge what happened, refuse to let it define my future, and keep moving forward one day at a time.

More later...