M&M’s?

So…question for you: Does this anxiety ever go away? I just thought I’d ask.

Last week was my first full week with students, and overall, I think it went well. I planned way too many things to do, though, so I felt somewhat rushed trying to fit everything in. The students and I are still adjusting to the new schedule and figuring out how we want things to work in the classroom. We’re making progress.

I’ve been using a lot of Catalyst strategies, and the students have responded really well. I’m trying to be very specific about what I expect them to do when given a task, whether it’s during a transition, work time, or walking in the hallway. It takes time and a lot of repetition, but we’re getting there.

Meanwhile, I’ve been pretty anxious about school and, well…just about everything else, too.

I’m having a bit of a hard time. Part of me thinks that by now I should be able to whip out a DBT skill, calm myself down, and carry on. Unfortunately, it doesn’t always work that way. I know the skills. I’ve practiced the skills. But sometimes, when the anxiety gets loud enough, I still feel lost and overwhelmed. Right now, I’m trying very hard to keep everything together.

There is also just a lot going on. This coming week, I have two doctor’s appointments, three nights of DBT, an observation, paperwork, lesson plans, and sub plans. That’s quite a pile. Having DBT three nights a week is going to take some adjusting, especially now that I’m back at work full-time.

I’m going to have to take things day by day.

Tomorrow is Sunday, so I’ll have some time to work on lesson plans and paperwork and hopefully get myself organized for the week ahead. I have to remind myself that I don’t need to figure out the entire school year this weekend. I just need to figure out Monday. Then Tuesday. Then Wednesday.

Another thing getting in the way is my calf injury. A few weeks ago, I strained a muscle, and I’m still hobbling around. I haven’t been able to exercise at all, which has been especially frustrating because exercise was one of the things that reliably gave my mood a lift. I miss it.

I’m also putting on a little weight, which seems considerably easier to gain than lose at my age. The lack of exercise probably isn’t helping.

It could also be my love of M&M’s.

Not sure.

So, does the anxiety ever go away? I don’t know. Maybe the goal isn’t to make it disappear completely. Maybe the goal is to keep moving forward even when it decides to tag along. Right now, that means taking things one day at a time, using the skills when I can, giving myself some room when they don’t work perfectly, and remembering that I’m still adjusting.

And perhaps eating slightly fewer M&M’s.

Perhaps.