“AND”
So…It has been several days since I last wrote, so I thought I would share an update.
This year has been filled with challenges. I have been through inpatient treatment twice, Partial Hospitalization (PHP), residential treatment, another round of PHP, and now Intensive Outpatient (IOP). It has been one of the hardest years of my life, but it has also been one of the most transformative.
Through all of this, I have learned more about myself than I ever expected. I am beginning to understand that the traumas I have endured do not define who I am. They are things that happened to me. They are part of my story, but they are not the whole story. I don't have to carry the shame and guilt forever.
One of the greatest lessons I have learned comes from the dialectic of AND. It reminds me that two things can be true at the same time.
I was sexually assaulted, and I can be strong in the face of that trauma.
I was raped, and I can heal.
Those statements don't erase what happened, but they remind me that my past does not get the final word. "AND" is a small word with incredible power.
I have about a week left in IOP. It has been a long journey, and while I know recovery doesn't end when the program does, I can honestly say that I am healing. Some days are still difficult, but there are more good days than there used to be, and that gives me hope.
Tomorrow I have an intake appointment for a trauma-focused DBT program. From what I understand, it meets two evenings a week, and I should learn the final details tomorrow. The fact that it appears to be in-network with my insurance is an added bonus.
After IOP ends, I'll have a couple of weeks before school starts to prepare for returning to work. I walked out of my classroom on January 26, 2026, and I haven't been back since. There will be a lot to do to get my classroom ready and, perhaps even more importantly, to prepare myself mentally for returning.
But this time, I won't be returning as the same person who left.
I am going back stronger, wiser, and better equipped to face life's challenges. I know there will be difficult days ahead, but I also know I have the skills, the support, and the determination to meet them.
I can do this.
I know I can.
More later…